With many new faces in the gym I feel I should remind all members of the policies and procedures at CrossFit Kingston. These regulations are slightly different than the policies at many other local facilities so please t
ake the time to re-familiarize yourself with them.


We recommend lifting as heavy a weight as you can do safely and to do it as quickly as possible

Do not share equipment with others as it will effect your time and slow you down. Do not allow others to use your equipment

when doing multiple sets.

PLEASE DROP WEIGHTS. If you do not drop weights you may be asked to leave.

Please report equipment failures to the staff on duty. Nothing will be done about this but feel free to ask.

Re-rack all weights/plates to their designated storage areas. Or stack all the plates in one area completely ignoring the other area.

Weightlifting chalk must be used.

Members should clean the equipment after use as it is common knowledge that the owner will not do so at any point during his



Minimal dress is encouraged. This means if you are female please wear the shortest shorts possible and anything that resembles a


Males are encouraged to take their shirts off because we are jacked and the CrossFit women undoubtably want to watch us workout shirtless. Well

done CrossFit men. We are amazing.

Members are encouraged not to wear shitty running shoes because they suck for everything including running. Do not HEEL STRIKE

and you will not need your nike shox or other similar pieces of shit.


Water in closed, recyclable containers are allowed. If you bring a plastic throw away water bottle everyone in your class will have

to complete 20 burpees while you watch. This will cause people to hate you and say mean things about you behind your back.

Alcohol is permitted and encouraged on Friday afternoons

Loud and/or abusive language is encouraged and will help you get stronger and more fit.

Harassment or disregard of the directions provided will result in laughter by many members and stress for the owner. Please

fucking listen to me


We don't have a locker room

Any items left in the shower will be left in the shower until you retrieve them. When using the shower be sure to secure the duct

tape so that the shower curtain stays up.


If showing signs of fatigue and light headedness, it means you have either hit a PR on a big lift or you are pushing hard through a

WOD. Thank you for your effort. If you stop mid-WOD to have a drink it will be suggested that you stop being a pussy and wait

until the WOD is over to waste time drinking.

If you fail to show up for a class just blame ZenPlanner or the fact that you are retarded and can't use a computer properly.

If in the case of a client who does not feel satisfied with the service provided, fuck off you are wrong.

Thank you for taking the time to read the policies and procedures of CrossFit Kingston. It is the aforementioned regulations that make CFK such a wonderful place to train.


Linds said...

Amazing. This beautifully written masterpiece deserves a frame and place on a wall at cfit kingston.

ginger said...



Miller said...

a man of many words...what about your policy on mentally retarded clients?

Foisy said...

"Males are encouraged to take their shirts off because we are jacked and the CrossFit women undoubtably want to watch us workout shirtless. Well
done CrossFit men. We are amazing.


On a serious note I don't think this rule should be gender specific.

Sandra said...

F#@! I love this place!!!

Sarah said...

while i slave away at readings im going to come back and read this every 30mins just to keep myself amused! just awesome.

Angry Perry said...

NICELY WORDLY....CFK in a nutshell Burnsie

Caity said...

This is phenomenal! Can't wait to get back

Dawson said...

Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!

jessi said...

Fuck CrossFit kingston is amazing!
Naked hot dudes, wonderful.
Beer on friday's, yes please.
Dropping weights and swearing,fuck ya.
This is why I come to CrossFit.

Meagan said...

Oh this is too good.

Although, I must suggest that you ban shirts during WOD. Creeping CFK pictures would be waaay more enjoyable if no one wore shirts.

Thanks for the tips on cursing, I think this will help me reach my DL goal.

Simon said...

That was some of the BEST gym regulations I have ever set my eyes on. You have a fine establishment there sir.

Kevin: CrossFit Oshawa said...

the greatest rules I've ever seen, simply awesome.

looking forward to the oshawa vs kingston challenge.


Sherri said...

Andrew--that is so freaking hilarious--hahaha.. I LUV CFK! Funniest thing I have read in forever! Amazing----

Anonymous said...

I was on the floor while reading a portion of these "rules." Globo gyms can't top that work of art.

You definitely need to have that scripted on your wall, or at least your door on the way in.

Hope to see you soon,

- Mattie from CrossFit Oshawa

Kirsten said...

I MISS CFK!! Love it Andrew!

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